Quote

Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Littles
Granting
Little
Muscular
Giving
Passage
Children
Passages
Birth
Child
Born
Mother
Contractions

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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
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I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.
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House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
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Never order food in excess of your body weight.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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I lost everything in the post-natal depression.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
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