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Written on her tombstone: I told you I was sick.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Tombstone
Sick
Told
Written

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Erma Bombeck
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
Erma Bombeck
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.
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It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
Erma Bombeck
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
Erma Bombeck
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Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
Erma Bombeck
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
Erma Bombeck
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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
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Never order food in excess of your body weight.
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You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
Erma Bombeck
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck
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Children make your life important.
Erma Bombeck
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
Erma Bombeck
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
Erma Bombeck