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Written on her tombstone: I told you I was sick.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Written
Tombstone
Sick
Told

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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Children make your life important.
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Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.
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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.
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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
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I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.
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When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
Erma Bombeck
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There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach. They believed I could blow on a red traffic light and turn it green.
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One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
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Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
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I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.
Erma Bombeck