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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Housework
Futility
Counter
Offs
Oblivion
Tedium
Productivity
Treadmill
Memorable
Treadmills
Terrorism
Housekeeping
Stop
Chores

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She's as funny as a toothache
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
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Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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Myths that need clarification: No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears. False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
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I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.
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The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.
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Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
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Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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No One Diets on Thanksgiving.
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I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of go out and fulfill your dreams and be everything you were meant to be. But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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