Quote

Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Mother
Bed
Another
Market
Spanking
Seems
Save
Pizza
Change
Questions
Supply
Time
Brother
Ignored
Seem
Mothers
Wasn
Throwing
Everyone
Guilty

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Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of go out and fulfill your dreams and be everything you were meant to be. But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.
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House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
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I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
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I read one psychologist's theory that said, Never strike a child in your anger. When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
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