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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Money
Survive
Mommy
Two
Blessing
Daddy
Kids
Parents
Permission
Stills
Needed
Blessings
Still
Playing
Mature
Parent
Weren
Moment
Grown
Moments
Bitter

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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
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Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.
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Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
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I lost everything in the post-natal depression.
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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
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Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
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Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.
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Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
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If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
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