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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Two
Blessing
Daddy
Kids
Parents
Permission
Stills
Needed
Blessings
Still
Playing
Mature
Parent
Weren
Moment
Grown
Moments
Bitter
Money
Survive
Mommy

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I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.
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There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
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My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.
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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
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I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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