Quote

I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Someday
States
Dignity
May
Wear
Graceful
Enough
Courage
Attending
Giving
Instead
Carrying
Something
State
Funeral
Certain
Hats
Feminine
Give

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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
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I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
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Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.
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Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
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Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
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When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.
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No One Diets on Thanksgiving.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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She's as funny as a toothache
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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