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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Would
Directions
Men
Chest
Chests
Somewhere
Asked
Hair
Stop
Growing

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Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.
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With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
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Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.
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My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
Erma Bombeck