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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Kids
Danced
Anything
Parenting
Children
Hasn
Refuse
General
Television
Funny
Family

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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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Children make your life important.
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Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
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One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
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Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
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Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.
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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.
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