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House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Literature
House
Long
Regarded
Guests
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More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
Erma Bombeck
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
Erma Bombeck
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Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
Erma Bombeck
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
Erma Bombeck
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?
Erma Bombeck
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
Erma Bombeck
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
Erma Bombeck