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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Elixir
Cosmetics
Accent
Accents
European
Europe
Creme
Literature
Woman
Cosmetic

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No One Diets on Thanksgiving.
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.
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Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.
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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
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Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
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To say, Well, I write when I really get into it is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.
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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
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Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
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Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.
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I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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