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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Europe
Literature
Creme
Woman
Cosmetic
Elixir
Cosmetics
Accent
Accents
European

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
Erma Bombeck
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
Erma Bombeck
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
Erma Bombeck
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Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
Erma Bombeck
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.
Erma Bombeck
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Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
Erma Bombeck
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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
Erma Bombeck
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Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
Erma Bombeck
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
Erma Bombeck
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
Erma Bombeck
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I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.
Erma Bombeck
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
Erma Bombeck
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
Erma Bombeck
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
Erma Bombeck
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House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
Erma Bombeck