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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Littles
Motherhood
Little
League
Mom
Infinite
Certainly
Wisdom
White
Decreed
Mother
Uniforms

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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
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Written on her tombstone: I told you I was sick.
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Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.
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When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
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Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.
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Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
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Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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