Quote

Never order food in excess of your body weight.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Order
Body
Never
Badass
Excess
Racist
Weight
Food

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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
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Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
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Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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To say, Well, I write when I really get into it is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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Written on her tombstone: I told you I was sick.
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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