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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Body
Thing
Never
Figure
Figures
Wants
Taught

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
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If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
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House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
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Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
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Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn't show themselves to us again until it was time to get married.
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not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.
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It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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Written on her tombstone: I told you I was sick.
Erma Bombeck