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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Literature
Next
Anything
Come
Sale
Week

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.
Erma Bombeck
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Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.
Erma Bombeck
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Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
Erma Bombeck
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
Erma Bombeck
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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
Erma Bombeck
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
Erma Bombeck
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
Erma Bombeck
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
Erma Bombeck
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Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
Erma Bombeck
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
Erma Bombeck
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. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.
Erma Bombeck
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
Erma Bombeck
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For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.
Erma Bombeck
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Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
Erma Bombeck
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I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.
Erma Bombeck
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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
Erma Bombeck
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With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
Erma Bombeck
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When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
Erma Bombeck
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Erma Bombeck
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One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
Erma Bombeck