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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Tell
Priest
Boyfriend
Priests
Cute
Saws
Friend
Friends
Funny
Reefs

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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
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