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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Priests
Cute
Saws
Friend
Friends
Funny
Reefs
Tell
Priest
Boyfriend

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
Erma Bombeck
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Erma Bombeck
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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
Erma Bombeck
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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
Erma Bombeck
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
Erma Bombeck
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
Erma Bombeck