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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Cute
Saws
Friend
Friends
Funny
Reefs
Tell
Priest
Boyfriend
Priests

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
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With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
Erma Bombeck
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With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.
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Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up.
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Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
Erma Bombeck
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The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
Erma Bombeck
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
Erma Bombeck
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I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
Erma Bombeck
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She's as funny as a toothache
Erma Bombeck
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
Erma Bombeck
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
Erma Bombeck
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I read one psychologist's theory that said, Never strike a child in your anger. When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
Erma Bombeck
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Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.
Erma Bombeck
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
Erma Bombeck
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
Erma Bombeck