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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
National
Pastime
Gossip
Baseball

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
Erma Bombeck
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
Erma Bombeck
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
Erma Bombeck
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
Erma Bombeck
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Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.
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What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
Erma Bombeck
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
Erma Bombeck
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
Erma Bombeck
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
Erma Bombeck
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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
Erma Bombeck
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Written on her tombstone: I told you I was sick.
Erma Bombeck
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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
Erma Bombeck
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To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.
Erma Bombeck
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Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
Erma Bombeck
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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
Erma Bombeck
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
Erma Bombeck
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
Erma Bombeck
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I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from a size 5 to a size 3 by liposuction. Was she serious? I've cooked bigger turkeys than her before picture.
Erma Bombeck
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I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.
Erma Bombeck