Quote

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Kids
Perceived
Always
Bathroom
Wait
Car
Waiting
Literature
Funny
Place
Groceries

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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
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I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
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You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'.
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