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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Like
Passports
World
Photo
Arrive
Paradise
Miserable
Look
Nothing
Looks
Passport

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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
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I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.
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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
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Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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I lost everything in the post-natal depression.
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