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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Would
Sex
Exercise
Hear
Literature
Funny
Jogging
Running
Runners
Reason
Breathing
Take
Heavy

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
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Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
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I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from a size 5 to a size 3 by liposuction. Was she serious? I've cooked bigger turkeys than her before picture.
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
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My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
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When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.
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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn't show themselves to us again until it was time to get married.
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House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
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Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
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