Quote

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Known
Sleeping
Family
Mothers
Unmade
Mother
Bed
Wrinkle
Ever
Spread
Remake
Children
Sick
Remakes
Died
Wrinkles
Sleep
Crooked
Literature
Blanket

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Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.
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With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.
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My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
Erma Bombeck
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I used everything you gave me.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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