Quote

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Battery
Batteries
Guarantees
Car
Marriage
Looking
Live
Love

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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Every puppy should have a boy.
Erma Bombeck
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I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
Erma Bombeck
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
Erma Bombeck
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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
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Written on her tombstone: I told you I was sick.
Erma Bombeck
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
Erma Bombeck
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
Erma Bombeck
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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
Erma Bombeck
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Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.
Erma Bombeck
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If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
Erma Bombeck
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
Erma Bombeck
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
Erma Bombeck
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Erma Bombeck
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
Erma Bombeck
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
Erma Bombeck
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I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.
Erma Bombeck
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
Erma Bombeck
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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Erma Bombeck