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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Games
Legally
Three
Declared
Women
Memorable
Men
Soccer
Watches
Football
Dead
Sports

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.
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Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up.
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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
Erma Bombeck
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
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Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.
Erma Bombeck