Quote

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Nothing
Locked
Children
Dog
Says
Child
Literature
Call
Barking
Water
Bathroom
Running
Parenting

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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
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I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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I read one psychologist's theory that said, Never strike a child in your anger. When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.
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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.
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Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.
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