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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Never
Teenager
Car
Advice
Birth
Anyone
Lend
Inspirational
Teens
Given
Parenting
Kids
Witty

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.
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When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.
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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
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Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.
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Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.
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I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
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You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
Erma Bombeck
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
Erma Bombeck
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
Erma Bombeck
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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