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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Women
Buzzards
Exercised
Thin
Followed
Cars
Car
Inspiration

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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
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My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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Children make your life important.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?
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Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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