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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Car
Inspiration
Women
Buzzards
Exercised
Thin
Followed
Cars

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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
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not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.
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Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
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I used everything you gave me.
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Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
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Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
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