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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Gravy
Considered
Food
Funny
Family
Inspirational
Beverage
Come
Beverages
Life
Cookery

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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.
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You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.
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Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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No One Diets on Thanksgiving.
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
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To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.
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Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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