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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Done
Graduated
Never
Graduation
Think
Pregnancy
Thinking
Pregnant
Since
High
Literature
School
Reunion

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
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I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.
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Never order food in excess of your body weight.
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
Erma Bombeck
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. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.
Erma Bombeck
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
Erma Bombeck
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The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
Erma Bombeck
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
Erma Bombeck
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
Erma Bombeck