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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Literature
School
Reunion
Done
Graduated
Never
Graduation
Think
Pregnancy
Thinking
Pregnant
Since
High

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I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.
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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
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When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.
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I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of go out and fulfill your dreams and be everything you were meant to be. But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.
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