Quote

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Mother
Parent
School
Hurt
Home
Alone
Summertime
Children
Child
Thirteen
Work
High
Occupation
Call
Hour
Hours
Summer
Times
Risk

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House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
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My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'
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I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.
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I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
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I read one psychologist's theory that said, Never strike a child in your anger. When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
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Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
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My mother phones daily to ask, Did you just try to reach me? When I reply no, she adds, So, if you're not too busy, call me while I'm still alive, . . . and hangs up.
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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