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If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
Erma Bombeck
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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
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Laughing
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Better
Make
Sassy
Life
Laughter
Motivation
More quotes by Erma Bombeck
Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
Erma Bombeck
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
Erma Bombeck
Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
Erma Bombeck
I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.
Erma Bombeck
It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
Erma Bombeck
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Erma Bombeck
Children make your life important.
Erma Bombeck
If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
Erma Bombeck
Never order food in excess of your body weight.
Erma Bombeck
I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
Erma Bombeck
I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from a size 5 to a size 3 by liposuction. Was she serious? I've cooked bigger turkeys than her before picture.
Erma Bombeck
Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
Erma Bombeck
There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
Erma Bombeck
My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
Erma Bombeck
Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
Erma Bombeck
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
Erma Bombeck
I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.
Erma Bombeck
One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
Erma Bombeck
not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.
Erma Bombeck
I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
Erma Bombeck