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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Housework
Lazy
Kill
Literature
Right

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.
Erma Bombeck
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
Erma Bombeck
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I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.
Erma Bombeck
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
Erma Bombeck
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Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
Erma Bombeck
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
Erma Bombeck
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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
Erma Bombeck
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Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
Erma Bombeck
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
Erma Bombeck
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Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
Erma Bombeck
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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
Erma Bombeck
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Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
Erma Bombeck
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Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.
Erma Bombeck
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
Erma Bombeck
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
Erma Bombeck
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
Erma Bombeck
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
Erma Bombeck
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
Erma Bombeck
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
Erma Bombeck
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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Erma Bombeck