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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
Erma Bombeck
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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Bed
Bunk
Mom
Chores
Second
Housework
Head
Faint
Family
Parenting
Mother
Household
Firsts
Hitting
Ironing
First
Favorite
Chore
More quotes by Erma Bombeck
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
Erma Bombeck
Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
Erma Bombeck
Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
Erma Bombeck
the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
Erma Bombeck
When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.
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I read one psychologist's theory that said, Never strike a child in your anger. When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
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Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.
Erma Bombeck
I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
Erma Bombeck
A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
Erma Bombeck
I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.
Erma Bombeck
I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
Erma Bombeck
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
Erma Bombeck