Quote

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Firsts
Hitting
Ironing
First
Favorite
Chore
Bed
Bunk
Mom
Chores
Second
Housework
Head
Faint
Family
Parenting
Mother
Household

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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?
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Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up.
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The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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