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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
Erma Bombeck
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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Firsts
Hitting
Ironing
First
Favorite
Chore
Bed
Bunk
Mom
Chores
Second
Housework
Head
Faint
Family
Parenting
Mother
Household
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
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What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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To say, Well, I write when I really get into it is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.
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Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.
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