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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
Erma Bombeck
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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Head
Faint
Family
Parenting
Mother
Household
Firsts
Hitting
Ironing
First
Favorite
Chore
Bed
Bunk
Mom
Chores
Second
Housework
More quotes by Erma Bombeck
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
Erma Bombeck
There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'.
Erma Bombeck
The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.
Erma Bombeck
It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.
Erma Bombeck
Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
Erma Bombeck
Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
Erma Bombeck
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
Erma Bombeck
the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
Erma Bombeck
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
Erma Bombeck
Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
Erma Bombeck
A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.
Erma Bombeck
I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
Erma Bombeck
Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
Erma Bombeck
In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
Erma Bombeck
I lost everything in the post-natal depression.
Erma Bombeck
When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.
Erma Bombeck
I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.
Erma Bombeck
The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
Erma Bombeck
Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
Erma Bombeck
The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
Erma Bombeck