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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Child
Spiritual
Xmas
Nothing
Sadder
Merry
Children
Holiday
World
Awake
Christmas
Morning

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
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Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
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What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
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My mother phones daily to ask, Did you just try to reach me? When I reply no, she adds, So, if you're not too busy, call me while I'm still alive, . . . and hangs up.
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.
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Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
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Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.
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I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, I told you so.
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
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