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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
World
Holiday
Awake
Christmas
Morning
Child
Spiritual
Xmas
Nothing
Sadder
Children
Merry

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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I lost everything in the post-natal depression.
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Motherhood isn't just a series of contractions it's a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
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Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
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Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script.
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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