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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
World
Holiday
Awake
Christmas
Morning
Child
Spiritual
Xmas
Nothing
Sadder
Children
Merry

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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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I used everything you gave me.
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Myths that need clarification: Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach. False. The only people who live on California beaches are vacationers from Arizona, Utah, and Nevada who own condos.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
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the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
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I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
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I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from a size 5 to a size 3 by liposuction. Was she serious? I've cooked bigger turkeys than her before picture.
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My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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