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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
Erma Bombeck
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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Morning
Child
Spiritual
Xmas
Nothing
Sadder
Children
Merry
World
Holiday
Awake
Christmas
More quotes by Erma Bombeck
I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of go out and fulfill your dreams and be everything you were meant to be. But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.
Erma Bombeck
Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
Erma Bombeck
Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
Erma Bombeck
I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.
Erma Bombeck
Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can.
Erma Bombeck
Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn't show themselves to us again until it was time to get married.
Erma Bombeck
Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
Erma Bombeck
The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
Erma Bombeck
Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
Erma Bombeck
Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
Erma Bombeck
I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.
Erma Bombeck
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
Erma Bombeck
I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.
Erma Bombeck
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
Erma Bombeck
A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
Erma Bombeck
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
Erma Bombeck
Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
Erma Bombeck
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
Erma Bombeck
I used everything you gave me.
Erma Bombeck
It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
Erma Bombeck