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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Read
Mets
Woman
Hour
Give
Havens
Polling
Women
Haven
Polls
Giving
Sex
Trusted
Never
Trust
Affairs
Would
Since
Lunch
Life
Hours
Affair

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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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She's as funny as a toothache
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
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Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
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When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
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Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
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not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.
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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
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When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
Erma Bombeck
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
Erma Bombeck