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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Give
Havens
Polling
Women
Haven
Polls
Giving
Sex
Trusted
Never
Trust
Affairs
Would
Since
Lunch
Life
Hours
Affair
Read
Mets
Woman
Hour

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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
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I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
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Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.
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