Quote

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Doesn
Organized
Item
Else
Block
Chores
Care
Smell
Housework
Door
Multiply
Doors
Items
Theory
Cleaning
Multiplying
Fire
Cares
Refrigerator
Funny
Catch
Refrigerators

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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
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I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.
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The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?
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Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
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With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
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Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
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Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.
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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
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I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from a size 5 to a size 3 by liposuction. Was she serious? I've cooked bigger turkeys than her before picture.
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