Quote

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Fire
Cares
Refrigerator
Funny
Catch
Refrigerators
Doesn
Organized
Item
Else
Block
Chores
Care
Smell
Housework
Door
Multiply
Doors
Items
Theory
Cleaning
Multiplying

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
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Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.
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With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.
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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
Erma Bombeck
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Erma Bombeck
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck
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My mother phones daily to ask, Did you just try to reach me? When I reply no, she adds, So, if you're not too busy, call me while I'm still alive, . . . and hangs up.
Erma Bombeck
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
Erma Bombeck
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Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
Erma Bombeck
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You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.
Erma Bombeck