Quote

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Theory
Cleaning
Multiplying
Fire
Cares
Refrigerator
Funny
Catch
Refrigerators
Doesn
Organized
Item
Else
Block
Chores
Care
Smell
Housework
Door
Multiply
Doors
Items

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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed? Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother? Wasn't there any change?
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For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.
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Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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She's as funny as a toothache
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To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.
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Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
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The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?
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