Quote

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Doesn
Organized
Item
Else
Block
Chores
Care
Smell
Housework
Door
Multiply
Doors
Items
Theory
Cleaning
Multiplying
Fire
Cares
Refrigerator
Funny
Catch
Refrigerators

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I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.
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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
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Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.
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The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
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There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
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Myths that need clarification: No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears. False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.
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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
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I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.
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I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
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Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
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Do I have to use my own money?
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