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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
Erma Bombeck
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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Become
Slowly
Mom
Judgment
Compassion
Understanding
Turns
Family
Mother
Mothering
More quotes by Erma Bombeck
I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
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I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
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Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.
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House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
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When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty just adding water. Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'.
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What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
Erma Bombeck